Sunday, October 5, 2008

SCHOOL - why?

Well - after MUCH thought as to when to continue, I found myself enrolled again. Some of the classes are not really that hard. It's more about my dedication to studying and making sure I know the material. BUT some of the classes are tough. They are a bit too introspective for me right now. I don't want to 'think' about why I want to do this, I just want 'to' do it.

I've never had a problem with knowing what I want, but sometimes the follow through has'nt been my strong point.

I've started many things in my life but the ONLY thing I've even come close to finishing has being a mother. And really, once a mother, are you 'ever' finished? I'll always be here for my children, no matter what it is they need. And now that I have the additional WONDERFUL role of being a grandmother, I realize this is'nt anything I would ever want to be finished with. It will always evolve, forever changing - my roles in my childrens' lives. And as more grandchildren arrive, more changes. I've got #2 coming sometime May 2009, and while this time it's a little bit easier to wait for his or her arrival, I'm still finding myself wondering what type of plans I'll need to make for next summer for school, clinics, clients, etc.

I'm NOT the parent, but I truly believe that part of my role 'as my childrens parent' is to be as big a part of the grandkiddies lives as much as possible. My own parents have been HUGE influences on my childrens day to day lives and I see it as a payoff : the parts I forgot to teach them, my parents have. They also get something I didn't have much of: a relationship with the people that modeled and formed me. By knowing them, it allows them to see why I am who I am. And perhaps, it will allow them to know themselves a little bit better.

I truly love my job as a parent. I loved being the mom-for-the-day at school. I loved being there in the middle of the night for comfort, or giggles and late night snacks. I loved being there to guide them through their early school days, helping them to make the correct choices, and to help them learn what to say to friends who wanted them to 'try' things that weren't the best for them, or to avoid being the one picked on at school. A special note of pride was seeing my children be advocates for those that were shy, or bullied. They stood up for others that were unable to, and I think that may have helped them escape the horrors having an abusive father. They couldn't stand up to him, but they COULD stand up to those that behaved like him: a coward that picked on the weak.

I've not been a perfect mother, I've made more than my share of mistakes. But I can look at my children with pride. In fact. Others can look at my children with pride, and know that they 'are' good people. They have grown into wonderful human beings who have compassion for others, and will put others before themselves, and more importantly, at times put themselves in the other persons shoes to see 'what their walk is like before attempting to judge them'.

When this life ends for me, I will have left my handprint on this world. It will continue forward in the steps of my great, great, great grandchildren. And hopefully they will continue to teach their children the way I was taught and taught my children.

And that's why I attend school. The most important lesson I can 'teach' them is to never stop learning.

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